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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28763454">The Luxury of Weakness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingWillows/pseuds/WhisperingWillows'>WhisperingWillows</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Darkest Dungeon (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Audrey is a little shit, Fluff, M/M, Swearing, Tickling, mild angst mostly comfort, reynauld is very affectionate under a cold shell of armor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:14:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28763454</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingWillows/pseuds/WhisperingWillows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dismas has never once in his life been able to let his guard down. He’s forced to reconcile his aversion to contact and fear of appearing vulnerable after an affectionate attack from Reynauld.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Crusader/Highwayman (Darkest Dungeon), Dismas/Reynauld (Darkest Dungeon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Luxury of Weakness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How many times had he gotten beaten up, slashed, poisoned, and otherwise nearly killed? How many times had he arrived back at the hamlet having to lean on the shoulders of his companions because he couldn’t stand up straight? The different, dangerous places surrounding the hamlet were stained with more of his blood by now than what was currently in him. Dismas could take a lot of punishment without even flinching.</p><p>But a few, curious prods under his jacket sent him wiggling and reflexively struggling to escape. </p><p>Reynauld turned out to be a very physical person with the people he cared about, and that showed more and more as the hired heroes grew more comfortable, more open around each other. Hand clasps, assuring or affection squeezes on shoulders or biceps, slaps on the back that never failed to knock a bit of air out of the victim because he didn’t know his own strength...</p><p>...Which Dismas took the brunt of, and more, for as close as they’d become.</p><p>“Thick as thieves,” he’d teased once, before getting immediately punched.</p><p>Ironically it wasn’t any of that contact that led to him being stuck between the wall of the barracks and his partner’s own armored body (did he have to wear it all the time!?), but a brush against his side that got the crusader curious enough to corner and trap the highwayman.</p><p>Though, that was never a good idea unless you had a suit of armor anyway.</p><p>“What are you doing?” His foot hurt from trying to kick him, because as tempting as it was getting, he wasn’t going to stab him. Gloved hands poked and squeezed through fabric. “This isn’t—dammit—this isn’t great foreplay, and it’s too early—“</p><p>“Hush, this isn’t that, and I’m simply exploring a means to an end.” Reynauld had his helmet on, so he couldn’t even read his face and talk his way out based on that. What did he want out of this? Dismas could feel his face heat up, and he coughed into the crook of his elbow to hide it. He tried to push him off again to no avail, only for the Crusader to find exactly what he was looking for. A spot under his ribs forced a snort from the shorter man and was mercilessly dug into.</p><p>The fight in Dismas was quickly renewed with cussing, flailing, and barely contained laughter. </p><p>“You know, it’s unbecoming for men our age to giggle.”</p><p>“F-fuck you! You bastard!” He barely managed to wheeze the words out in his attempts to keep himself from falling apart. “Yo...you’re gonna—ah—bruise! Too rough! Get off!”</p><p>“Mm. That’s a nice sound. It would be nicer without your uncouth complaints, but I’m happy to take what I can get.” Dismas was one hell of a sight. Flushed, pursed lips and grit teeth, and his twitching form felt under his gloves. “Perhaps I would be willing to let you go if you could muster up some manners and say ‘please’.”</p><p>“Blackmail! Abuse of holy power! Aren’t you supposed to be—“ Turns out it’s hard to be smug and think up clever comebacks when you’re getting tickled.</p><p>“Oh, what a terrible fate has befallen you, you poor thief. Maybe this torment is simply the penance you rightly deserve for sinning against the light. If you can’t bring yourself to simple pleasantries, I would accept repentance. Would that be easier?”</p><p>Dismas brought his fist down on his shoulder plate and cussed again as pain jolted up his arm. Reynauld chuckled under his breath, his agonizing assault finally wore away on the highwayman’s will. Restrained, high pitched laughter echoed through the room, and the crusader’s breath caught in his throat. The noise, even when accompanied by death threats and the beating on his armor, made him feel light.</p><p>“Alright, alright! P-please! Please st-stop!”</p><p>Immediately, he was released. Dismas fixed his hair and his clothes, trying to catch his breath. “You are insufferable. Holy hell! It hurts to breathe! I swear if I wake up aching everywhere you touched, I’m gonna murder you.”</p><p>“...You’re wonderful.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your laugh. It’s wonderful. Just like you. I’ve never heard you laugh, or seen you smile like that.”</p><p>“I laugh!”</p><p>“You go ‘ha’ once after you tell a dark joke or when you try to pretend something horrifying didn’t happen. I...apologize if I was too rough, or if my methods weren’t proper.” </p><p>“You...You…” How should he feel about this? Something other than angry? He had him cornered, unable to escape, and even if it was just to be ‘playful’ or whatever, being in a compromised position just wasn’t his style. Dismas tucked his scarf further up, over his nose to cover the red still burning his face, and he walked off. </p><p>He knew how to feel. Weak.</p><p>-</p><p>“So, are you going to tell me what happened this morning, or—?” </p><p>Audrey slunk up to the seat at the bar next to Dismas, an open flask in hand where the faint scent of anise drifted out. She took a swig.</p><p>“No outside drink, we’ve talked about this!” The barkeep called.</p><p>“Fine! Fine, give me anything strong enough to see something or see nothing at all.” She waved her hand dismissively as she capped her flask and tucked it in her satchel. The man on the other side of the counter rolled his eyes and poured a glass of something that smelled antiseptic enough to use in the sanitarium.</p><p>“You know absinthe isn’t actually supposed to give you hallucinations.”</p><p>“Oh no! Anyway, it sounded like the crusader smuggled one of the swinefolk into his room and tried to convert it, but then I saw you walk out, and now you’re here.”</p><p>“Do you have anything better to do than eavesdrop?” Dismas nursed his beer. “There’s no way in hell I’m as shrill as any of those damnable creatures.”</p><p>“No, I suppose not, and no, I don’t have anything better. The hamlet is dreadfully boring and I don’t want to relearn crocheting or cross-stitch.” She clicked her tongue. “Anyway, now that I’ve answered your questions~”</p><p>“I don’t owe you anything, little fly on every wall.”</p><p>“You know I’ve also noticed you two going in and out of each other’s rooms plenty over the last couple months, which I find very much interesting! Perhaps the rest of the barracks would also find it interesting?”</p><p>Dismas narrowed his eyes. “Why is everyone blackmailing me today? Ugh. Fine. Why do you never have information I can use against you?”</p><p>“Because I have no shame. Now, go on.”</p><p>“We’re an item. Sure. As you’ve gathered. Is it that much of a shock? We can’t be the only set of ‘hired helpers’ that have paired off.” He sighed. “And this morning...I don’t know.” There’s not exactly a dignifiable way to explain ‘my boyfriend tickled the shit out of me and now I’m having a personal crisis’. “He made me feel vulnerable. Weak. Not on purpose, or by doing anything even technically wrong, but I realized then that I haven’t let my guard down once in my life.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m not qualified to actually talk personal issues through, I just wanted gossip—“</p><p>“No, no, no, in for a penny, in for a pound, lady. Nobody comes to this place because they’re happy and normal, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t either of those things before. You were high society, so that means at some point, you lived a cushy, relaxed life where you didn’t have to worry about where your next meal would come, or if someone you’ve allied with might shoot you in the head while you sleep to steal your share from a job. Doesn’t matter if your situation changed. You’ve felt...okay. You’ve left yourself open on purpose knowing that you’ll be alright.”</p><p>Audrey let that sit in her head for a moment. Then she downed the shot previously set in front of her and smacked him. “You’ve made a point, but don’t you dare imply that because my life was good at one point, it doesn’t matter that I’m miserable now! Have you any manners!?”</p><p>“Do that again and I’ll show you how little manners I have!”</p><p>A shrill whistle from the barkeeper let them know he was watching them for a potential brawl. Dismas groaned</p><p>“I’m sorry. You...you were normal. Reynauld was normal, exceedingly normal. He was raising a family. I was a poor kid who never got new shoes, practically sold into apprenticeship for making candles of all things. That was awful. Terrible. Got out as soon as I could, and one day I happened to graduate from street pickpocket, to proper thief, to murdering highwayman. Used to be in the employ of brigands, did you know that? They’re as likely to kill each other as they are to kill you.”</p><p>He realized his glass was empty. Huh. Dismas waved down the bartender for another stein. “But now? The hamlet is relatively safe. Everyone’s scared of my boss. Something about how she had a crazy family member that stirred a lot of trouble. Ha.” Audrey shared a somewhat nervous half-laugh with him. She looked very much like she didn’t want to be there.</p><p>“Yeah, relatively safe, a scary boss, and I’m a scary man, so no one even thinks to mess with me. I’ve got someone who...who loves me. Loves me and trusts me enough to be an idiot around me. Lovesick fool...What I’m wondering now is how I can be that. How I’m supposed to be able to be weak and vulnerable.”</p><p>“Weakness is a luxury.” Audrey tapped the rim of her glass. She leaned back in the barstool in an impressive show of balance. “And...it was one of the luxuries I used to know well, one I don’t know as well now. That’s true. As for solving it, that’s a real thinker.”</p><p>He looked down at the countertop. Audrey was nearly prepared to sneak out when the highwayman groaned. “Light above, you know what I’m probably going to have to do? Talk to him like a normal person who shares their emotions.”</p><p>“Well, you’re talking to me about it!”</p><p>“You blackmailed me, so I’m punishing you. This is punishment. It doesn’t count as opening up.” He wasn’t going to talk to him without a couple more drinks poisoning his blood. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let my guard down. Ever. You have any secrets to relaxing around others?”</p><p>“You’re looking at it.” She pat her satchel.</p><p>“Damn it. He’s probably going to be upset that I walked out on him. If he has his helmet off I’m going to have to look at his stupid sad eyes. Tells me how ‘unbecoming’ it is for men our age to ‘giggle’, and then he’ll look at me like he’s a puppy. Ugh.”</p><p>“Hm.”</p><p>“What is it now?”</p><p>“Oh, when you told me you were an item, I was internally a little surprised, but I can see you’re head over heels now, and it’s hilarious. I don’t know what he sees in you, but you’ve got it bad.”</p><p>He scoffed. “Shut up. If it gets out and I trace the leak back to you, I’m telling everyone who slipped into the crypt a few weeks ago.” Dismas dramatically waved his hand at her the same way she did to the server moments ago. “But for now, I release you from the ramblings of a madman. I’m going to get plastered, take a long nap, and then try to further forge something resembling a relationship.”</p><p>That’s exactly what he did.</p><p>-</p><p>“I need you to help me practice knots.”</p><p>“...Knots?”</p><p>“It’s easier to talk about emotional baggage when I got my hands occupied, so yes, knots.”</p><p>“Oh, well let me get dressed...Oh! We’re doing this in my room?” He was groggy. A bit confused, dressed in just a thin shirt and boxers, but otherwise accepting of the company, and glad that Dismas apparently wasn’t upset by him trying to mess around earlier.</p><p>“Yup. Are you familiar with a simple slip knot? Useful for snares and traps.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Good, just watch my form.” He tied one of the lengths of rope he brought to the bed frame. “...Were you upset? When I walked out this morning?”</p><p>“I was...confused.”</p><p>Dismas finished securing the first knot, then worked on the next. “Overhand, useful for climbing and fishing.,” he said with a sigh. “I’m not so used to being casually touched, even by you. I have to psyche myself up before I can feel comfortable. When you surprised me like that...I felt weak.”</p><p>Reynauld sat up a bit more, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “I am truly sorry for making you feel bad. I...don’t really know what exactly came over me. When I brushed up against you, I was taken by temptation.”</p><p>“Isn’t temptation sinful?”</p><p>His arms slowly drifted to coil around his waist, slow enough that Dismas could scoot away if he needed. When he didn’t, he squeezed him lightly and rested his chin on his shoulder. “In most contexts, but luckily being smitten with someone reciprocating isn’t so looked down upon. Though my intent clearly didn’t match my actions.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “Audrey called it a luxury. Being able to feel weak.”</p><p>“So she knows about us?”</p><p>“She knows. Uh, reef knot. For joining the ends of ropes.”</p><p>“So, what do you think is the solution?”</p><p>“Get her so blackout drunk that she forgets ever meeting either of us?”</p><p>The crusader kissed the back of his partner’s ear, forcing a blush from him. “You know what I mean.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he sighed, “How do you unlearn something so deeply ingrained that it’s buried in your bones? Could try a stint in the sanitarium, they seem to be able to fix anything. Maybe the plague doctor has something I could smoke that just inexplicably fixes my problems.” He wished it could be so easy. “There’s immersion therapy. I thought about this one. It basically involves you...touching me more often. So I get used. So I can convince myself to be...weak. And when we’re done, done with this hamlet, I can let my guard down permanently, and relax.”</p><p>“Are you sure you would be alright with that?”</p><p>“It’s not so bad if it’s you. Constrictor knot. Could you put your hand right here?”</p><p>“Of course. I must confess, I’m not at all opposed to the idea of touching you more often, though I’m a gentleman. I’ll try not to surprise you in the future.” Reynauld tried to pull his hand back, but his wrist felt tight. He looked down to find his hand bound to the frame. “When...how did you do that?”</p><p>“Sleight of hand. In another life I probably could’ve been a child’s magician. Constrictor knots are incredibly difficult to untie, by the way.”</p><p>“So...what is—“ His voice cracked, and in the dim room, Dismas noticed a hint of flush seldom seen on his face. The highwayman grinned. “What is the plan here?”</p><p>“Now that I’ve caught you without all that armor in the way, I’m going to find out for myself how weak you can be.”</p>
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